An F-ing Valuable Thing

I continue to be so proud of the leadership from my home state.

Way to go, Rod. I think they managed to catch you dropping the F bomb only 40 times on record.

-10-key princess

Classy Gifts

Now that the holidays are just around the corner, I've decided to make a list of great gift ideas that say "class" about a million times more than the standard gift card. And while keeping in mind the present recessionary state of our economy, I've done my best to look for gifts that fit any budget.

For the Gal Pal
Cameo Stationery Set from Kate's Paperie.

This gift, in addition to being classy, is only $30. Blank notes means more flexibility. And you can even monogram or emboss these note cards. Kate's Paperie was one of my most frequented shops while living in New York. But no worries - they ship as well.
Cost: $30 for a set of $25

For the Wannabe Rachael Ray
Culinary Classes in various locations from XperienceDays.com

In addition to being a great resource for that hard-to-please gift recipient, this website offers a variety of "experience" gift options, including culinary classes wherever you are. They're a bit on the pricey side, but if you can find a location that's not quite as touristy (avoid areas like Napa, Sonoma, or New York), you'll have leftover cash for the BART ride home.
Cost: $21 per hour per person ($150 for a 3 1/2 hour session for two)

For the Kids
Local Children's Museum Pass
I have several nieces and nephews, and the quest to find a gift that
a) they don't already have
b) doesn't make annoying sounds that can't be turned off
c) won't get their parents upset with me
d) isn't clutter
is always a challenge. But a year-long membership to a museum is the gift that keeps on giving. (And it forces my nieces and nephews to spend quality time with me whenever I'm around.)
Cost: depends on location, but the average is anywhere from $50-80 per year per family.

For the Demanding Man
Cufflinks in any shape, size, or form at Cufflinks.com
A man in cufflinks automatically oozes class. But men in suits can be boring. Why not help them show their personality with Republican cufflinks or a rhinestone-studded pair for the rocker?
Cost: varies, but there's a link for those starting at under $50 per pair.

For the Entertainer
Table Topics Cubes - in categories like Family Gathering, Right or Wrong, Teen, Couples, Girls Night Out, and Election 2008.
Never again will you be stuck in an uncomfortable situation. I went to a party once where I knew, like, barely one other person. But then the host busted out the Table Topics, and within minutes I 15 new best friends. I've used these in uncomfortable, stuffy executive meetings to break the ice, too.
Cost: $9 for the "to go" topics; $25 for the standard cube set.

Happy shopping!
-10-key princess

Obama's Policies "Naive" per Murdoch

I was scouring Drudge report yesterday and found this article stating exactly what I was hoping somebody would say publicly.

Obama's Economic Policies are Naive

It seems like whenever I say anything remotely negative about Obama to anybody remotely liberal, they automatically retort, "Eight more years of the same! WE NEED CHANGE!" (Brainwashing, anyone?) So it's nice to see someone in the media *finally* take the McCain/Palin side.

Oh, and by the way, in the last eight years, I've graduated college (paid for, partially, by federal grants), worked a professional job making $70k a year (decent by Midwest standards), got a 4-9% raise every year for the next four years, got my MBA, and started a consulting business with small business tax shelters. My friends and family have been safe and protected within the borders of our country. So yes, thank you, Bush Administration, for the last eight years.

I certainly hope we're not headed towards the Socialist Obama America so many people are unknowingly touting.

-10-key princess

Forced Charity

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells you that it's your turn to do something nice for someone else. This happens a lot in our church: when someone new moves into the area, she's assigned a friend; when someone's pregnant, a sign-up sheet goes around to babysit her other kids; when someone has a baby, a week's worth of meals are assigned out to make sure the new mom is taken care of.

Well, I got one such phone call about 42 hours ago.

A little background information on this family to whom I was asked to give forced charity. They just had their fifth baby under the age of eight. The wife is 30 and the dad is a high profile attorney at a law firm downtown. He makes a decent income and has 90 days of paid paternity leave. There is absolutely no reason he shouldn't be able to a) make dinners for his family, b) order takeout, c) fly in a grandparent to help with the cooking, or d) call Domino's.

Here's how the conversation went:

The assigner of forced charity: "Hi, SM, this is Rae. Kristy had her baby a few days ago and has asked for three weeks worth (are you kidding me?!) of meals to help with the transition. Would you be willing to take a meal over tomorrow night?"
Me: "Well, actually..."
The assigner of forced charity: "Great, thanks. I'll tell her you'll drop off the food at 5:30."

I was guilted in.

So yesterday came and went. Before I knew it, it was 5:30 and I hadn't taken anything over. I was tempted to not even go, but I knew that if I didn't, I'd feel the pending guilt for weeks. So I put together a decent meal and drove across town.

The husband (who, let me remind you, brings home lots of money and has 90 days of paid paternity leave but was, for some reason, still in his pajamas at 6:00 p.m.) answered the door with the rest of the clan not far behind. I apologized for being a little late. It's fine, he said sternly. I handed over the food.

The husband: "Do you want me to help you get the rest of the food from the car?"
Me: "Actually, this is it."
The wife: "Oh, SM. I guess you don't know what it takes to actually feed a family of seven."
Me (in my head, but so should have been out loud): "Oh, Kristy. If you have the nerve to ask for three weeks worth of meals from other people, I think you probably have the nerve to throw some chicken nuggets in the microwave for your five kids. By the way, here's a pack of condoms."

Forced charity. I love how it gives me the warm fuzzies.

-SM

That's my name. No, that's MY name.

For the purposes of this story, my name is Jebediah Smith.

Funny story. So I was in Manhattan last weekend for a wedding on my wife's side of the family. Her second cousin was marrying a man who happened to have the same last name as me. It's ethnic, from Israel, and while more common out there, let's just say that it's not as popular here.

Anyway, that's not the funny story. We knew the groom-to-be had the same last name as me. But at the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding, the father of the groom was giving a toast. And during his toast, he thanked his three children - the groom, the groom's sister, and the groom's brother. The groom's brother's name is Jebediah. My name is Jebediah (although I go by a nickname not related to my birth name, which is a completely different story). When I heard his name, my eyes lit up - I found my name twin.

I hadn't spoken to my name double yet, but I wanted to introduce myself. And since I always try to be the funny guy, I didn't want to just go up to him, extend my hand and say, "Jebediah Smith, I'm Jebediah Smith. Nice to meet you." Lame.

So instead, I pulled out my driver's license, walked up to the other Jebediah, and showed it to him. He took it from me, looked at it carefully, looked up at me and said, "Um. That's not me." So I was like, "I know! That's me! We have the same name!" He kind of smiled, said it was nice to meet me, and handed me back my license. And that was it. Over so quickly.

Clearly, he wasn't nearly as giddy as I was. Maybe Jebediah already found his name twin elsewhere.

-JT (aka Jebediah Smith)

New Olympics event

Urban Gymnastics.



-JT

Oranges, Part 2

Earlier I mentioned that my husband and I get into silly disagreements over trivial things. Well, today is no exception. I went to the city today and ended up locking myself out of the car. Yes, I'm that dumb.

Regardless, I handled the situation in spite of a not-so-helpful Chicago cop and a guy who tried to slim jim my car using a wire hanger. Neither of them got me into the car, so I ended up calling for roadside assistance, who came to my rescue using an assortment of break-and-enter tools I'd never seen before.

You would think the story ends there, but allow me to vent for a minute.

I called my husband to tell him what was going on. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: "I locked myself out of the car. Don't worry, roadside assistance is coming to help. I just wanted to let you know what's going on."
Him: "Okay. I gotta run. The kiddo is acting up." Click.

A couple of minutes later, he called back.
Him: "Did you get into the car yet?"
Me: "No, not yet, but they just called and someone's coming soon."
Him: "So I don't have to go out to the city and rescue you?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Thank goodness. Okay. Bye."

At this point, I'm really feeling the love.

When I got home later in the afternoon, we wrapped up the conversation:
Him: "So did roadside assistance slim jim the car?"
Me: "No. Actually, someone did try to break in using a bent wire hanger, but that didn't work so that's when roadside assistance showed up."
Him: "What? NEVER, EVER, EVER let anyone ever do that. That can really mess up the mechanism of the power locks."
Me: "Um, it didn't mess it up."
Him: "It's just common sense. Don't let anyone do it again."

The best part? He just poked me on Facebook. As if that will make me want to speak to him right now.

-SM

Breaking News

Despite the rumors, I will not be running for Vice President alongside Barack Obama during the upcoming presidential election. I'm just way too busy. I just wanted to let Mr. Obama know that he should look elsewhere.

Sorry. I figured I'd just follow Al Gore's lead. Last Friday, everyone's favorite environmentalist announced that he will not serve as Barack Obama's running mate. One thing, though - Obama never asked Gore to be his Vice President.


I say we start an online video movement where people film themselves turning down an unsolicited VP-request from Barack Obama. Like, "Barack - You're probably thinking of me to be your Vice President come November, but I'm just telling you now so you have enough notice that my family and I are supposed to be on vacation October 17 - October 30. And then there's Halloween and busy season at work. So I'm going to have to pass on the VP front. Thanks, though. Good luck."

How funny would that be? Hillaryous, if you ask me.

-JT

Stream of consciousness

Rather than blog about one specific topic tonight, I decided on a brain dump after having a stressful week (month, maybe?). Here are some happy, philosophical, sad and irreverent thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head recently. Ready? Take a deep breath...

I believe the Cubbies rule more than most people, but even I think it's ridiculous that Carlos Marmlol freaking made the All-Star team after the way he's pitched this past month.

Are ideas ownable? When do they become yours? My boss took an idea that the Chief Creative Officer (CCO) of our company had for a new business project I'm working on and is trying to pawn it off as his own. How do I know this? Because I overheard my boss telling someone else that he had a meeting with the CCO who had a suggestion for a TV commercial. Lo and behold, when my partner and I presented work a day or two later, our boss was like, "That actually kind of works with an idea I had," and then proceeded to tell us the exact idea that the CCO told him. Shady. It makes me wonder how many of our ideas became his ideas when he presented them to the clients.

AVP beach volleyball is awwwwwwesome. I wish my beach skills were 8.31% of the skills of the pros on that tour. But at least all 5'9" of me got to meet and take a picture with 6'3" Kerri Walsh, who's the #1 women's beach volleyball player in the world. Take a look below. It wasn't awkward at all.


To keep my celebrity encounters rolling - on my way to catch the bus to go home after watching the AVP all day, I was walking on the bike path. I happened to look over my left shoulder, and right there next to me was Chicago Bears head coach Lovie Smith on his bike. I was like, "Hey! Lovie Smith." he was all quiet with a quick, "Yeah." I asked if I could get a picture with him. He obliged and got off his bike. Then he walked his bike in front of me to get on my right (not sure why), and, of course, ran over my flip-flop outfitted foot with his front tire. Luckily for me, he was walking his bike. Luckily for him, he apologized.


Today was my company's summer outing - a scavenger hunt/trek downtown, kind of like the Amazing Race, that ended with a barbecue. It was an absolute blast. We had to complete missions using problem-solving, video, photography, bartering and good old-fashioned charm. I might could have enjoyed it more had I not been called back to work, but it was still fun.

One of my friends from childhood passed away yesterday after a battle with pulmonary fibrosis. We had grown apart as we got older and he went to a different high school, but I've run into him on many occasions at some of the neighborhood festivals over the years. He had been on a waiting list for a double-lung transplant for the past few years, which unfortunately didn't come through in time. Even though he had been sick for a while now, the news still came as a shock. Death has a way of doing that.

Ok, you can breathe again. Goodnight. Sleep well.

-JT

Starting a Business

I'm starting a new business.

I just met with some business counselors, and here's my "have to find" list for the week:
An attorney.
An accountant.
A graphic designer. check
A web programmer. check
A copywriter. check
A printer.
A dry ingredients supplier.
A perishable ingredients supplier.
A packaging supplier. check
A food permit.
A marketing intern.
A baker. check

Oh, and I have to register my business with every county I'm going to be doing business in. And then I have to submit that to the newspapers and let them run it for three weeks.

I could go on and on, but the list is so long, it's ridiculous.

Thanks for letting me vent.

-SM

The Good Wife's Guide

I don't have much time to do a full commentary right now, but I just got this in an e-mail from a colleague. Click on the picture to read it up close and personal.

Like my mother always said to me, "You should be grateful you weren't born in the 40s." And this is exactly why.

-10-key princess

Text Trolls

I got a text last Friday from someone who wasn't in my phone book. Here is the text:
"Wanna grab a bite?"

I responded:
"Who is this?"

He responded:
"Scott"

I responded:
"Scott who?"

He responded:
"Who is this?"

I responded:
"You texted me."

He responded:
"Oh I was just bored and wanted to eat with someone hot. Are you hot?"

At least I have unlimited texting.

-10-key princess

Would You Rather Be Smart or Thin?

I was at the gym (again) on Friday and like always, someone had left behind their reading material for the next machine user. This time, I was lucky enough to inherit July 2008's Cosmo.

Here are some really substantial, important, fundamental-to-society tidbits I learned during my 50 minutes of cardio:

1. I learned that 56 percent of Cosmo readers would rather be thin than smart. (How sad is that?)

2. I learned how to tell whether two guys sitting together at a movie are gay or straight.











3. I learned that Cosmo has taken on the role of God and has written their own list of 10 commandments, this one to give you a heads up if you're being too bitchy. My favorite? "You just inked a six-figure deal with Midol to be their spokeswoman."















(Seriously, is there anyone out there who a) participates in these surveys, and b) actually reads and believes this stuff? If so, I would like to hear from you.)

-10-key princess

With great power comes great responsibility

That's the lesson that Uncle Ben (not the rice guy) gives Peter Parker in Spider-Man. Talk about deep.

I wonder if anyone ever passed this wisdom nugget to Alain Robert. Robert, known more popularly as Spiderman, scaled the New York Times building yesterday. When he got near the top, he opened up a banner that read, "Global warming kills more people than 9/11 every week."


A few hours later, Renaldo Clarke climbed the same building. He wasn't a complete copycat, though, since he didn't have a banner. Tenants inside the building said that Clarke stopped from time to time during his ascent, and he mouthed "What floor am i on?" to onlookers.

Neither of them were hurt, and both of them were arrested. Shocking.

-JT

Now THIS is creative

So my last post poked a little fun at a new KFC ad campaign that I thought was not terribly creative, but rather boring and gimmicky.

Well this morning, during my daily routine of seeing what's going on in the land of pop culture, I came across something that I think is absolutely brilliant. And hilarious. And innovative. And fresh.

Joshua Allen Harris, an artist in New York City, has tied bags to NYC subway grates so that when the trains roll by, the bags come to life from the rush of air. Check it out below, beginning with a story from the AP on the concept, followed by video capturing some of the art he's created.









When I was in school, one of my teachers said something to me after seeing an ad I had done that he really liked. It's really simple. He said that you know when an idea is a really good, creative idea because when you see it, you think to yourself, "Man, I wish I had thought of that."

Man, I wish I had thought of that.

-JT

Ordering a pizza in 2010

This video about what it will be like to order a pizza in 2010 is funny and creepy. And probably more likely to be true in 2030.

-JT

Help JT Decide!

JT's buying some new shoes. I told him the top pair (yellow/brown) look like toilet shoes. But which do you prefer?

-10-key princess

The backlash has begun

It's about time.



I've managed to keep myself from joining the 'book, much to the dismay of everyone out there who's been dying to poke, super-poke or bite me. And my quality of life hasn't even suffered.

-JT

Kansas didn't win; Memphis lost

It's taken me a day to recover, but now that I'm good, I thought I'd share. I'll start by saying that I love March Madness. Best sporting event of the year.

And every year, for about the 10 years, I've joined an NCAA Tournament pool that's run by a doctor that works with my mom at a hospital in the Chicago suburbs. This pool isn't your typical $5 entry fee, $100 payout. This is serious business. The guy gets over 200 entries, each at $20 a bracket (plus $10 if you buy insurance, which I won't get into). There are payouts for the leaders at the end of the 1st weekend ($200), at the end of the 2nd weekend ($400) and then for 1st through 5th place once the tournament is over. The breakdown is as follows:

1st place - $1800
2nd place - $900
3rd place - $650
4th place - $425
5th place - $350
last place - they get their money back

Well, going into Monday night's championship game between Memphis and Kansas, yours truly was in first place by 1 point. If Memphis wins the game, I take the $1800. But if they lose, I drop out of the top 5 (to somewhere like 16th place) and win nothing. Needless to say, I was a little amped at work on Monday.

I thought it would be entertaining for my friends to see me hang on every single play as it unfolded, so I invited a bunch of them to come watch the game with me at a neighborhood bar. And believe me, they were entertained. Just like the game, I was up and down - elated one minute, head in my hands the next.

Memphis was up nine with two minutes to go, and it was looking good. But from that point on, they played tentatively when they could have been aggressive and finished off the Jayhawks. And Kansas came back, forced OT, and Memphis lost. Which meant I lost too.

I was bummed. And then my mom, lovely lady that she is, calls me the next morning to talk about the game, which had to have been the first basketball game that I didn't play in that she watched from start to finish. We're talking, she's sharing in my pain, and then she drops this on me - the person who ended up winning was an 8 year-old girl who plays on the same basketball team as the son of the doctor who runs the pool. A freaking 8 year-old girl!

I just started laughing. "Of course she was," I said. My mom's retort, "Well, Jon (the doctor) says she's a hoops nut and that she picked all the games herself."

Wonderful - that makes me feel a whole lot better. Maybe I should consult little Miss Olivia next year before filling out my brackets.

-JT

Hey, It's Tradition

I treated my niece and nephew to see the dyeing of the river today, followed by a jaunt to Grant Park for the famous parade.

My 8-year old nephew asked me exactly what implications this had on the environment. I had to do some research. Apparently, it's not harmful. Apparently.

My answer to him at the time: "I don't know if this is bad for the river or not, but hey, it's tradition."

What a Republican answer.

-10-key princess