Hats Off

I really have no comment. I just wanted it to be documented for posterity that this is what Aretha Franklin wore at President Barack H. Obama's inauguration ceremony while singing "My Country, 'Tis of Thee."

And I just want my children to know that while some may disagree, I personally want to go down on the record as saying that I just don't see this as a fashion do.

That's all.

-SM

Fall 2008 Fashion

I have a friend who's a stylist, and she helps me pick out pieces every season that will work with and complement my existing wardrobe.

There's one thing I just can't get into this season: booties.

How are these supposed to be flattering? Shoes should make your feet (not to mention your ankles, calves, and legs) look streamlined. All these do is make your feet look six inches wide and your legs look 12 inches shorter than they actually are (which, for those who know me, know I don't have 12 inches to spare).

I don't know who designed these fugly shoes, or decided that these would be hot for fall. My guess? These will be on clearance racks faster than you can say "Better Off Dead."

-SM

Forced Charity

One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone tells you that it's your turn to do something nice for someone else. This happens a lot in our church: when someone new moves into the area, she's assigned a friend; when someone's pregnant, a sign-up sheet goes around to babysit her other kids; when someone has a baby, a week's worth of meals are assigned out to make sure the new mom is taken care of.

Well, I got one such phone call about 42 hours ago.

A little background information on this family to whom I was asked to give forced charity. They just had their fifth baby under the age of eight. The wife is 30 and the dad is a high profile attorney at a law firm downtown. He makes a decent income and has 90 days of paid paternity leave. There is absolutely no reason he shouldn't be able to a) make dinners for his family, b) order takeout, c) fly in a grandparent to help with the cooking, or d) call Domino's.

Here's how the conversation went:

The assigner of forced charity: "Hi, SM, this is Rae. Kristy had her baby a few days ago and has asked for three weeks worth (are you kidding me?!) of meals to help with the transition. Would you be willing to take a meal over tomorrow night?"
Me: "Well, actually..."
The assigner of forced charity: "Great, thanks. I'll tell her you'll drop off the food at 5:30."

I was guilted in.

So yesterday came and went. Before I knew it, it was 5:30 and I hadn't taken anything over. I was tempted to not even go, but I knew that if I didn't, I'd feel the pending guilt for weeks. So I put together a decent meal and drove across town.

The husband (who, let me remind you, brings home lots of money and has 90 days of paid paternity leave but was, for some reason, still in his pajamas at 6:00 p.m.) answered the door with the rest of the clan not far behind. I apologized for being a little late. It's fine, he said sternly. I handed over the food.

The husband: "Do you want me to help you get the rest of the food from the car?"
Me: "Actually, this is it."
The wife: "Oh, SM. I guess you don't know what it takes to actually feed a family of seven."
Me (in my head, but so should have been out loud): "Oh, Kristy. If you have the nerve to ask for three weeks worth of meals from other people, I think you probably have the nerve to throw some chicken nuggets in the microwave for your five kids. By the way, here's a pack of condoms."

Forced charity. I love how it gives me the warm fuzzies.

-SM

I Went on a Date With an Olympian

You would think it would have occurred to me a long time ago that I went out with someone who had the potential to be an Olympic athlete, but no, it didn't hit me until about 11:00 this morning.

I went to a school with a highly ranked volleyball team, so it's no coincidence that two grads and one of the coaches (that's a separate story, noted here) are involved with the US Men's Olympic Volleyball team.

Anyhow, I was at the gym, watching a bit of NBC when the USA vs. Japan game came on. Lo and behold, there was my date: Rich Lambourne.

I don't remember who arranged it or if we even had a good time. I do remember it had something to do with the fact that he spoke Japanese, and apparently the person who introduced us assumed that I did too. Slightly awkward.

I'm tempted to Facebook friend him and write on his wall. "Hey, Rich, remember me? I'm that girl you went disco skating with in Orem sometime between 1996 and 1997. How's it going? Oh, and good job blocking that spike."

-SM

Oranges, Part 2

Earlier I mentioned that my husband and I get into silly disagreements over trivial things. Well, today is no exception. I went to the city today and ended up locking myself out of the car. Yes, I'm that dumb.

Regardless, I handled the situation in spite of a not-so-helpful Chicago cop and a guy who tried to slim jim my car using a wire hanger. Neither of them got me into the car, so I ended up calling for roadside assistance, who came to my rescue using an assortment of break-and-enter tools I'd never seen before.

You would think the story ends there, but allow me to vent for a minute.

I called my husband to tell him what was going on. Our conversation went something like this:
Me: "I locked myself out of the car. Don't worry, roadside assistance is coming to help. I just wanted to let you know what's going on."
Him: "Okay. I gotta run. The kiddo is acting up." Click.

A couple of minutes later, he called back.
Him: "Did you get into the car yet?"
Me: "No, not yet, but they just called and someone's coming soon."
Him: "So I don't have to go out to the city and rescue you?"
Me: "No."
Him: "Thank goodness. Okay. Bye."

At this point, I'm really feeling the love.

When I got home later in the afternoon, we wrapped up the conversation:
Him: "So did roadside assistance slim jim the car?"
Me: "No. Actually, someone did try to break in using a bent wire hanger, but that didn't work so that's when roadside assistance showed up."
Him: "What? NEVER, EVER, EVER let anyone ever do that. That can really mess up the mechanism of the power locks."
Me: "Um, it didn't mess it up."
Him: "It's just common sense. Don't let anyone do it again."

The best part? He just poked me on Facebook. As if that will make me want to speak to him right now.

-SM

Mini Clubbing

I recently discovered that if you own a Mini Cooper, you can join an exclusive owner's club, which features up-to-date information on nationwide Mini events. I happened to be in Chicago yesterday to witness one of these events firsthand, the "Mini Takes the States 2008 - Chicago." I was forcibly stuck watching probably 300+ Minis Cooper-vaning up to Wisconsin's "Road America" race track.

While outwardly I'm bitter about having to yield to the parade of Minis, deep down, it made me secretly want to be part of a cool car club. It was actually pretty impressive to see how each owner personalized their cars and made them unique. Unfortunately, they don't have a club for such mainstream cars as the Honda Civic or Toyota Rav 4.

What a brilliant way to drive up demand for their product. Props to the marketing department at headquarters. They actually made me want one of these for a day. (Incidentally, I did see a zipcar Mini drive by. So somebody actually did just get one for the day. I guess that's one way of feeling like an insider.)

-SM

Starting a Business

I'm starting a new business.

I just met with some business counselors, and here's my "have to find" list for the week:
An attorney.
An accountant.
A graphic designer. check
A web programmer. check
A copywriter. check
A printer.
A dry ingredients supplier.
A perishable ingredients supplier.
A packaging supplier. check
A food permit.
A marketing intern.
A baker. check

Oh, and I have to register my business with every county I'm going to be doing business in. And then I have to submit that to the newspapers and let them run it for three weeks.

I could go on and on, but the list is so long, it's ridiculous.

Thanks for letting me vent.

-SM

Under Where, Part 2

The last time I was in Times Square, I got my picture taken with The Naked Cowboy. He had a publicist/manager with him who, in true Sopranos style, said that nobody could take a picture of or with him without shelling out some singles. So I did. I didn't want to be the reason for an unhappy tooshie.

It looks like he's out for more than just singles now. The Naked Cowboy is suing M&M Mars. For millions and millions of dollars.

That's right. The guy who did nothing to be infamous except strip down to his underwear (which is nothing new), paint (in bad manuscript) "Naked Cowboy" on the back of his tighty-whities, and play the guitar with a cowboy hat and long (and not particularly Fabio-esque) hair, is suing giant candy conglomerate USA for their latest ad featuring a hard-shelled blue candy that looks somewhat like him.

His classic quote when asked his reason for suing:
"Type II diabetes and childhood obesity is (an) epidemic," he said. "I am the opposite of that. I don't endorse that product."

My opinion? He should have gotten his mobster dad, Tony, to write something a little more believable for the press.

For the record, if he gets any sort of sizable settlement, I'm going back and asking for a refund.

-SM

Oh, Numnah! That's a Relief.

The Scripps National Spelling Bee is an event I look forward to every year. And you really wonder why? THIS, readers, is true entertainment at its finest.

Lucky for him, he won.

-SM

Deceptively Delicious

Like every other parent on the planet, I've been having issues getting my son to even contemplate trying vegetables. No, I shouldn't say that. He likes those plain peas, carrots, and corn you get in a bag for $0.89 at the Jewel. But when it comes to fresh broccoli, cauliflower, squash, bell peppers, tomatoes, celery, lettuce, or zucchini, this is what he says:
"Mommy, when I was a little baby, I used to eat those things. But not anymore. I'm a BIG BOY!"

So the challenge to incorporate healthy foods into his diet has begun. So I researched, and looked online, and watched Oprah - of course.

Jessica Seinfeld (wife to Jerry) was featured on Oprah with her new-ish recipe book called "Deceptively Delicious." Essentially, the concept is that if you puree vegetables and mix them into foods like brownies, muffins, cupcakes, pizza dough, chicken nugget coating, deviled eggs, spaghetti, mashed potatoes, sloppy joes, etc., then your kids won't know they're eating them.

I have two issues with this.

First, I want my kid to KNOW that he's eating vegetables. I want him to grow up understanding that it's a healthy part of his diet. Hiding it in his food isn't going to do him any favors when he goes to college and says, "My mom never made me eat vegetables," when really, I did all along, but he just didn't know it.

Second (and seriously, this is where the rant comes in), I'm sure Jessica Seinfeld wasn't the first person in the world to think of hiding vegetables in food. I mean, come on! Just because you have a famous husband and a celebrity last name, you get the rights to selling pureed food in cookbook form?

Rant over. And now I'm off. Off to try this particular recipe that looks super duper appetizing: Lemon Raspberry Cupcakes with Yellow Squash and Beets.

Yum.

-SM

Another Reason to Love Facebook

Someone posted this on my Facebook fun wall tonight:

fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too.

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.

And JT says that Facebook won't improve his quality of life.
-SM

A 5.2? And That's News?

A 5.2 magnitude earthquake "rocked" southern Illinois today (102 years to the day since the Great San Francisco Quake) and made headline news.

California born and raised, I guess I just find that funny. I was around when the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake rocked the Bay Area - the quake that interrupted the Battle of the Bay World Series, caused the Bay Bridge to collapse, and made overpasses crumble into pieces. I grew up having an earthquake drill every other week, knowing how to duck and cover, hold onto the desk with one hand, and cover my head/neck with the other. I still never hang a heavy mirror or picture frame above the bed. We have a flashlight and spare shoes by the bed in case windows start to break and we have to make a quick escape. I learned at age 10 how to turn off the gas and water supply lines to our house.

That said - with all of these practical skills, I still don't know what to do when a tornado siren goes off. Anyone?

-SM

What Bra Sizes Really Mean - *100th understandbetter Post*

From an e-mail I got from a mom in our playgroup:

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely There...
{C} Can't Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double Dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!...

-SM

Lick Those Lips, David Archuleta

Another amazing David Archuleta performance on Idol tonight. I think I love him a little bit more every week.

I fished around youtube and found a performance he did of the same song - Angels - pre-American Idol.

His performance starts around 1:10. Enjoy. Over and over and over.
-SM

A campaign is said to age people, but...

I know there's a lot of talk going on right now about the whole Bosnia "I misspoke" thing, which probably is more important than mentioning that Hillary is long overdue for an appointment with her Botox specialist. But she is. Long, long overdue.

-SM

Oregon Takes the Cake

Two "weird news" labels in one day? Oregon's on a roll.

-SM

Baby for Tweak

I'm speechless.

-SM

Desperate Princesses

-SM

Oprah Tickets

As a Chicago transplant, the first question all of our family and friends asked when we moved here was, "Have you seen Oprah yet?"

The answer? No.

I wasn't there when Tom Cruise maniacally jumped on Oprah's pretty leather couches, nor was I there when she gave away Spanx on her Favorite Things show. I didn't even score tickets to see Dr. Oz talk about poop or Nate Berkus share soothing stories about Fernando. And yes, to be clear, I'm somewhat disappointed that even though we live just minutes away, we still haven't had any run-ins with THE Oprah.

My husband just forwarded me this website for a company that calls and calls and calls on your behalf until they get through to the studio, guaranteeing tickets for you and three friends. The service fee for 4 tickets? $999. And that's probably not inclusive of Chicago's already-steep sales tax.

Why didn't I think of that first? Smart entrepreneurs!

-SM

Splurges for Mom

I found this article on Babycenter's website entitled "6 Splurges that are Worth It." Taking a bubble bath, buying a nice new outfit (sans stains), a DQ blizzard, mani-pedis, getting a sitter and going on a date, and going to a movie alone were some of the highlights on the list.

I'm taking it upon myself to add a few things to this list.

• Go on a trip with girlfriends only - and don't talk about the kids back home!

• Get Tivo. Record your favorite non-PBS shows to watch late at night with a pint of Ben & Jerry's. Mine include House, CSI, Grey's Anatomy, Dancing With the Stars, and Divine Design.

• Join a gym with free child care. Go often, even if it just means you're going to sit in the locker room and watch Oprah and The View back-to-back.
• Get an iPod. I put in my earbuds whenever I'm doing laundry, cleaning the toilets, scrubbing the showers, or vacuuming. Makes chores fun and tunes out the kiddos.

• Once-a-Month Cooking. Cook everything you need one day a month. You can go to places like Dinner by Design if you don't like the prep and clean up.
  
• Get a pet. Goldfish, bird, dog, cat, whatever. Apparently, it's good for your health, too.
  

• Splurge on home decor. If you want a Restoration Hardware Parisian Armchair, get it!
• Get a DSW frequent shopper card. Enough said.

We deserve it! Moms, let's get a bit decadent and indulge!

-SM