Spend-o-Meter

If Billary could enact all of (t)he(i)r campaign proposals, we'd be SOL.

Sorry if I'm asking the obvious, JT, but explain to me how this would hypothetically fly, exactly?

-10-key princess

Oh crap.

Despite being candidly open about being a Republican, I'm certainly the farthest thing from being a fan of this guy. But upon being heckled this afternoon by some members of Code Pink - the liberal Berkeley left-wing anti-war group - he actually had a pretty good response:

"The beauty of America is that a person can come and even make a disruption, and you know what, that person is not going to be taken out and shot."

I'm sure it was totally scripted, certainly even a little obvious . . . but nevertheless, a good line. And I was really convinced until now that nothing genius could ever come out of this guy's mouth.

-10-key princess

Salon Receptionists

Today I decided to check out the adjoining Aveda salon at my gym. I was interested in getting an appointment for a haircut/style/color (and the benefit of doing this at the gym is that I get 2 hours of child care!) After consulting briefly with the stylist, I decided to book an appointment for tomorrow. I whipped out my gym membership card; upon handing it to the receptionist, I guess I must have flashed her some horrifying jagged cuticle or unkempt nailbed (gang signs inside a spa). She gasped in horror, dropped the card, grasped my hands in hers and said, "Oh, hon (the condescending "hon," not the sugary sweet diner-style "hon"), you have to get a manicure along with that haircut tomorrow."

I wasn't sure whether or not to feel insulted or sold to, but I politely smiled and said, "No, thank you. I have a 2-year old, which generally means that I've given up regular shaving, plucking, waxing, and on odd days, flossing. And once in a while, I can even go for three days without showering. So really, a manicure is the lowest on my priority list these days."

She just stood there, jaw on the floor. It was probably one of my best comebacks ever.

Lessons from Sex and the City

I don't know if I'm getting older, if everyone else just seems so much younger, or if I'm just *SO* much more mature than I was 2 1/2 years ago (doubt it), but I've only been "re-single" for 4 months and I'm already dreading the dating scene.

The single life has been good to me. I go where I want, when I want. I don't answer to anyone. I flirt with cute traveling businessmen and guys at the gym without feeling guilty. I spend my money a little more impulsively than I did before and travel as much as I want. I'm investing time in relationships with my family and girlfriends. I even have a flowery duvet on my bed since the departure of two-and-a-half-year-relationship ex.

But I know eventually I'll have to get back out there. But I really, really don't want to. I don't know how the game is played anymore. I have no idea what to expect. The thought makes me tired and weary. I think Charlotte on S&tC said it best:

Charlotte: Women just want to be rescued. I'm sorry but it's true. I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?
Miranda: Who? The white knight?
Samantha: That only happens in fairy tales.
Charlotte: My hair hurts.

Maybe I should consider becoming a social smoker. Then I won't have to wait to be rescued by my knight in shining armor.

-10-key princess

Wake up, people!

Introducing the world's most effective wake-up call - the SnūzNLūz Wifi Donation Alarm Clock.

The way it works is simple. You connect the alarm clock directly into your bank account via the internet. Every time you hit the snooze button, money is withdrawn from your account and donated. To organizations you loathe. Suddenly, snoozing becomes a little more costly than just causing you to skip your daily exfoliation before heading to work. Oversleep 10 minutes? Forty bucks to Al Qaeda. Snooze till one? Cha ching - $300 to the GOP.

I should buy this for my best friend, who's a notorious oversleeper. And I could set it up to donate to the JT Livelihood Foundation. Hey, don't judge - I too have rent to pay.

-JT

Snowball Earth

It's Science Saturday again!

This is actually a very controversial topic in geology circles. (In fact, I know a lovely lady off the coast of Tasmania right now digging for these carbonate structures at the bottom of the ocean floor.) This article relates to a controversial theory called the Snowball Earth theory for global climate from millions of years ago. (Sorry, I'm not talking about controversial modern day global warming today...) This theory assumes that the earth's climate is always in a delicate equilibrium. (This is a reasonable claim seeing that entire polar ice caps can melt in the period of a hundred years when the average global temperature only changes by less than 2 degrees farenheit).

Assuming you don't embrace the history of the friendly (but moronic) folks at Conservapedia, a lot of scientific research has been done to estimate the earth's climate dating back many many millions of years. Earth's temperatures are found through isotope studies of calcium carbonates (fossils).

Now, a brief chemistry class:
All materials on earth are molecules made up of atoms, including you and me and fossils. Crudely speaking, atoms in a molecules behave like balls strung together on networks of springs. These atoms (balls) stay attached in their networks of springs (chemical bonds) to form big nets of balls and springs (molecules).

Quantum mechanics tells us that these balls are always bouncing and vibrating slightly in their springs; they are never completely at rest (as opposed to classical mechanics, the physical laws that govern the world we live in, which says all objects will eventually stop moving once it comes to rest). When temperatures increase, the heat of the environment turns into energy, and that extra energy makes the balls bounce and vibrate more vigorously (just like heating a pot of water eventually makes water boil). However, these balls always stay attached to their springs until something hits the balls with so much force that a spring breaks (like cracking something when it gets smacked), or until the balls absorb so much energy that the vibrations alone break a spring (like when something melts). Lets ignore the smacking aspect and only think about temperatures.

When temperatures are hot, the energy from heat causes balls to bounce in their springs because energy makes balls bounce. When temperatures are cold, the balls only bounce in their springs minimally, because a lack of energy means balls can't bounce. HEAVY balls (even if they are the same size) bounce less than LIGHT balls, because more energy is needed to make heavy balls bounce compared to light balls. Thus, clusters of heavy balls bounce very little compared to clusters of light balls. It turns out that heavy balls are quite rare, but they appear in molecules at very predictable rates. For instance, if I had 100 of a particular kind of light balls, nature tells me that I can safely guess that 1 or 2 of those 100 are heavy, but not any more or any less. Furthermore, these heavy balls have special characteristics that allow us to seem them easily. These heavy balls are called isotopes.

Knowing this, hot babes like my friend can figure out how cold or how warm regions of the earth were as far as millions of years ago. They simply collect old fossils from different parts of the world and then figure out how old the fossils are through radioactive dating methods. By analyzing the atoms in the fossils (the balls in the networks of springs), they look for all the heavy atoms (isotopes) in the fossil. Once found, they look at where the heavy atoms are with respect to each other. If a lot of isotopes are found very close to each other, it means nature at that time must have been cold. This is because having heavy atoms together means nature at that time wanted minimally bouncing balls, and that happens when there wasn't much heat making balls bounce. If the isotopes are all far away from each other, then the temperature must have been warm, because nature at the time could afford to spread out the heavy balls making all the molecules overall more bouncy. Therefore, we can estimate temperatures of the planet.

How cool is that?

Who thinks this is part of a heist?

This just came up on Drudge, and I'll be honest - the first thing that came to mind is that George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and that Chinese acrobat are somehow involved.

- 10-key princess

But were they racing snails?

Good to know.

What's next? Selling oregano by prescription only?

This is just stupid. The Hershey Company, makers of Ice Breakers gum, has stopped producing their new Ice Breakers Pacs for fear that they too closely resemble illegal drugs.


According to the article, the Ice Breaker Pacs are small dissolvable pouches with a powdered mint sweetener inside. The police are apparently worried that these packs might desensitize a kid to real drugs, but my question is - why would anyone try to stick one of these up their nose to begin with?

On second thought, maybe the concern is valid. It's only a matter of time before we'll have to show a picture ID in order to buy oregano or confectioner's sugar.

-JT

Don't Buy Stuff You CANNOT Afford

Apparently, President Bush's economic stimulus package is near finalization.

Here's the bottom line:
-single, making less than $75,000 = money back
-married, making less than $150,000 = money back
If you fall outside of these guidelines, you should supposedly have enough tucked aside to stimulate the economy out of your own pocket.

While the amount per individual/family will undoubtedly depend on a variety of factors, do YOU think this will prevent the economy from falling into a recession? The sad truth is, probably. Generally speaking, those in lower tax brackets will spend it faster, thus having a greater positive impact on our slowing economy. Those in higher tax brackets will save the meager $300, or use it to pay down some existing debt - which, let's face it - does nothing to stimulate economic growth.

Even Congressional Budget Office Director Peter Orszag agrees:
"For any given pot of money, the more you target the lower-income, credit-constrained households, the bigger the bang for your buck."

Why is this the case? A significant 43% of Americans spend more than they make each year. The average American household has over $9,000 in credit card debt. We buy houses we can't afford or take out second mortgages for things we don't need. We can't control our spending habits. It's the "I owe, I owe, it's off to work I go" mentality. Then what happens? Corporate America "trims the fat" to appease shareholders. The debt-laden American goes on unemployment - possibly filing for Chapter 7 or 11 - draining government resources to pay for things they couldn't afford to begin with, and certainly can't afford now.

In the meantime, that $9,000+ in credit card debt doesn't get paid down, but continues to accrue an average of 20% or more interest - while the typical American just adds more to the balance. Teaser mortgage rates expire and all of a sudden you're stuck with a mortgage payment that's double what you initially were paying. On a whim, you refinance - but only to find that your house is worth LESS than it was 3 or 5 years ago. Or worse yet, you go into foreclosure - but not without putting up a fight and blaming "predatory lenders."

Whatever happened to paying bills on time, only buying things you can afford, taking responsibility to understand your own finances, and living within your means? Even Chris Parnell gets it.

-SM

Forget your platform. What I really want to know is how you handle a paintball gun.

I'll be the first to admit that politics is not my area of expertise. I'm informed, yes, and have my opinions as well, but mostly from a macro-perspective. But the good people over at The Smoking Gun might just have changed all that for me.

Click on image to play game

Yes, it's true - choose your favorite presidential candidate and navigate your way through the White House. Forget the tough questions during the debates - see how the candidates handle the pressure of green balls of paint being fired at them from behind the White House columns.

Oh yeah - and watch out for one Rudolph Giuliani. He's a sneaky one.

-JT

Why Doesn't This Girl Work at MY Gas Station?

Among other noteworthy news headlines today, the one that caught my eye was this one:

Woman busted for selling gas for a tenth of a cent

Never mind Heath Ledger's untimely passing, chaos on the Gaza-Egypt border, or the group teenager suicide in South Bridgend, Wales. THIS is the stuff a suburban mommy scans the news for: a cheap way to fill the SUV.

-SM

We all know how fun Vaseline can be

Vaseline has a web game online, where you guess the identity of a celebrity spokesman by looking at their bodies "au natural." Here is the latest mystery endorser:


Past mystery celebrities have included Amanda Bynes and John Leguizamo. It's kind of a funny promotion - I just hope that someone like Barbara Walters is a fan of Walgreen's brand Petroleum Jelly.

-JT

And in other news, the earth is round

This just in from the obvious department - Northwestern University released a study concluding that teenagers find online news troubling, whereas they much prefer sites where they can download music, network socially and watch videos (You Tube).

Thanks, kind researchers. I might expect something like this to come from the University of Wisconsin - Madison, but Northwestern? Things must be slow around Evanston these days.

-JT

Fun juxtapositions:

Mitt, read XKCD.

Broken record...

Bear with me. I don't want to sound like a broken record (though I know I will), but I think this is something totally crazy.

I just happened to read a snippet about singer Amy Winehouse. I go to Google and do a news search. This is what I get:



Gah! I'm seeing news articles of 'alleged' things happening in distant parts of the world...in MINUTES! It's crazy, its not that someone incredibly rich and famous appears to be in a downward spiral with billions of people possibly watching. The rules of public celebrity behavior were totally different before the internet. It's a little out of control, but it makes me nervous thinking how really diabolical people will be so on top of this once they figure out how to get on top of it...if they haven't already...

I can't tell who I'm running against sometimes.

FINALLY - a debate! This just confirms the reason I'm not a democrat: too much DRAMA!



I almost feel sorry for John Edwards. He really didn't get fair playground time.

-10-key princess

Underwear? Under there. And under there too.

The annual no-pants train ride in Chicago proved successful once again this Saturday. A group of about 30 people rode the CTA in their underwear as part of a nationwide event started by a New York improv group.

No one was hurt in the making of this event, unless you count having a set of bare buns in your face as you sit on the train a form of pain. The best part of this whole story - "according to Chicago city code, as long as certain parts of the body are covered and you're not acting lewd, underwear is acceptable in public places."

Well, if that's the case, I can't wait to go get my next grande White Chocolate Mocha skim no whip at Starbucks in my buttered popcorn boxers.

-JT

Tete-a-Tete... or No Tete at All

So, in a head-to-head between Arizona Senator John McCain and "hellfire and brimstone" ex-Governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee, South Carolina voters have chosen the former as the winner of the Republican primary tonight.

While this could be significant for McCain's campaign (and Huckabee's as well, but clearly for other reasons), my girlfriends and I are decidedly shallow... since the ONLY thing this announcement did was remind us of 2007 Miss Teen South Carolina's fascinating lesson in geography:



I just enjoy watching Mario Lopez try to keep his composure. Now that's entertainment.

-10-key princess

And you wonder why they don't hold movie nights in prison

A fascinating story that I've been following over the past month looks like it's coming to an end. In a scene straight out of Shawshank Redemption, only the best movie ever, two inmates escaped from a New Jersey State Prison in mid-December by digging through their cell walls and covering up the holes with pictures of bikini-clad women.

After being at large for close to a month, both men were recaptured - one in a basement apartment a mile from the prison and the other the next day in a hotel in Mexico City. They had planned to flee together to Mexico, but one of them hurt his leg leaping to freedom. The New Jersey court ordered both men to be held on $4 million bail. Yeah, like that stopped them the first time.

While it's better for everyone that these scene-stealers were caught, part of me is sad that we'll never know if they'd have been able to make it to Zihuatanejo to meet up with Andy and Red.

-JT

Science Saturday

Yes indeed, its Science Saturday!!! (in some parts of the world anyway...)

Save the day for reading articles or stories with a science slant.

First off, M&M's!

A New Way to Find Love

Here's an upside to smoking bans in big cities: smirting.

While McSmokes-a-lot guy might have originally protested any law preventing him from sharing his filth-induced cancer stick with those of us who *prefer* to live past 60, he now has the opportunity to pick up some chicks. And chicks who won't mind his smoking habit, even.

Smoking + flirting = smirting. And yes, there's even a definition for it in wikipedia.

I feel it's my duty, however, to warn unsuspecting single smoker "hot chicks" of this guy:
"Part-time smoker Corey Osterander, a 20-something suburban transplant downing cold ones at Rose's in Lincoln Park, says he's already tried to use the ban to his advantage a few times.

"If I see a hot chick go outside for a smoke, you know, maybe I go out for a smoke, too," he says. "Out there, she's isolated and there's an opportunity to talk to her without her friends around."'

The moral of the story? You might just be eye candy inside the bar, but once you step out into the vulnerable world of the smoked meat market, you're fair game.

Corey and chicks, happy smoking and smirting. And thanks for leaving the rest of us out of it.

-10-key princess

From your faux friend

Greetings,

This is your faux friend transmitting from an undisclosed location somewhere probably not in your time zone.

Can anyone guess who the target audience might be for this flash game?

Is being late hip?

Or is it just annoying? Not really an age-old question, but still a valid one. I sit staunchly in the "it's annoying" camp.

When you say you're going to be somewhere at a certain time, be there. And if you're not going to be where you say you are, then don't say you will. Right now I'm waiting for a friend who was supposed to pick me up about an hour ago, and it's looking like I'm going to be waiting for at least 30 more minutes. "Nooooo, I have nothing else to do but sit here with my coat on for 54 minutes and counting while you do who knows what." And yes, I really am sitting here with my coat on. At least I still don't have my gloves and beanie on. Those came off after my friend's third phone call, wondering whether it makes sense to pick me up and then go back to his place or vice versa.

I don't know, dude. But I'm about to take my coat off.

-JT

Cell Phones to the Rescue

An exceptionally passionate football fan restrained his seven-year old son with tape for over an hour on Saturday, forcing him to wear his local team's jersey.

While the $186 fine might have been a significant enough consequence, the mother called the police two days later, had her husband arrested, and had the tenacity to capture the abuse on her cell phone camera - and turn it in, along with subsequently filing a restraining order.

Is it any wonder this guy's a Green Bay fan?

-10-key princess

Where "If I Talk Louder, Will You Understand Me Better?" Came From

One night earlier this week, a friend and I were discussing random daily happenings, and somehow landed on the topic of travel and tourism (not a surprise, for those who know me).

Said friend (and brilliant writer/hopeful future guest poster JT) and I were recounting all the funny tourist experiences we've either been a part of or seen:

-Being completely horrified as my best friend's mother stood in the middle of a ghetto foreign neighborhood, visibly opening a map in the middle of the sidewalk, proudly donning her American flag baseball cap, $5 Old Navy t-shirt, and true-to-form fanny pack;
-Two American guys getting cornered their first night in London by a stereotypical strip club owner and "big bouncer friend" after *almost* refusing to pay for 30 minutes/$800 worth of "sexy talk" from the so-not-worth-it ladies;
-Watching from the sidelines as an unsuspecting American family (with quite a conspicuous southern drawl) tried to buy tickets for a train ride in Madrid, dad's voice getting louder and LOUDER BY THE WORD (so that Madrid-ticket-counter-guy would understand him better, of course) until he could hold back no longer... and spit in American dad's face.

So, sometime during this conversation, I told JT that I wanted to start a new blog. Being the creative genius he is, he rattled off at LEAST 10 truly appropriate blog titles. But this is the one I decided on to track hilarious experiences that make life... life: family, friends, relationships, lack of relationships, politics, religion, pop culture, music, books, travel, and who-knows-what-else.

Thanks for the inspiration, JT. :)

-10-key princess

Why Not?

A blog about nothing in particular, and something that anybody (new friends and old) can join in on. Sounds like a good idea to me.

-10-key princess